I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.

We really should get some X-rays,” the EMT said. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT.

When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.

You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.

I brought out the most powerful tool I had in my arsenal. "If you resist," I said into Reyes's ear, "I'll be forced to Taser you." He looked at what I had in my hand. "That's a phone." "I have an app. You'll probably experience nerve damage. Slight memory loss.

How would you like your eggs?" I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. "Fertilized?

...and then she glared at me, the same glare my stepmother used to give me when I gave her the Nazi salute. That woman was so touchy about her resemblance to Hitler.