I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.

I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT

I'm sorry to have to tell you this way, but your mother and I are separating." When I pressed my mouth together, he corrected, "Stepmother. We're just - We're going in different directions." "I don't know what to say, Dad. 'Hurray' just seems wrong.

We could make this work, you know." "I will knee you in the groin." "I could give you a night you will never forget." "Because you will be writhing in agony all night and I will laugh unmercifully. It will be unforgettable.

There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated. Charley

She blinked at me, then realized I was panicking. Honestly, it was like admitting to murder before being interrogated. “Ms. Davidson,” she began, but I decided to trip her up, to throw her off the trail of blood I’d left like an injured animal. “I don’t speak English.

I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.