Computers operate on simple principles that can be easily understood by anybody with some common sense, a little imagination, and an IQ of 750.

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to light the filter ends of cigarettes.

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.