I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.

When Prince Charles speaks, everybody pretends to be fascinated, even though he has never said anything interesting except in that intercepted telephone conversation wherein he expressed the desire to be a feminine hygeine product.

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.