I think I've learned over the years, because you'd have to be stupid not to, that when a book publisher gives you a deadline they're just kidding for the most part. I don't know what they do with it, it's like you send them your book and they just hold it in their hands for like six months and I don't know why, and you realize you probably had more time.

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.

Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.

If you look at photos of the Gettysburg Address there's a guy off to the right who I think is Keith Richards.

The objective is not so much to walk your dog, as it is to empty him.

Infiniti ads are part of an exciting new trend called "Advertising Whose Sole Purpose Is to Irritate You."