Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.

See, when the government spends money, it creates jobs; whereas when the money is left in the hands of taxpayers, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs.

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

My mother told me, “Son, it is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.” I have tried very hard to heed those words.

Beneath their surface differences, there are a lot of deep, underlying differences.

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.