I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.

For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).

Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud.

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

Teenagers are bored. By everything. Show a teenager an actual volcanic eruption, in progress, featuring giant billowing clouds of smoke, hot rocks raining from the sky, lava floes destroying entire villages, etc., and the teenager, eyebrows arched with sarcasm, will look at you and say, "Gee, this is swell," then return to the rental car, turn on his portable CD player, and listen to a band called Stomach Contents.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.