The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.

Unlike cats dogs never scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they did wrong.

I actually like south Florida. I never lived in a more interesting place than this. I've never met a wider range of people. I guess when I came here I thought there were Cubans and then there were people from New York and that was Miami. Now I know that it's Cubans, people from New York, and some people from New Jersey.

This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.

The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.

Directors are always changing things at the last minute. Actors will do a scene, and the director will say, ‘Okay, that was perfect, but this time, Bob, instead of saying “What’s for dinner?” you say, “Wait a minute! Benzene is actually a hydrocarbon!” And say it with a Norwegian accent. Also, we think maybe your character should have no arms.