There was nowhere to sit except the bunk, which was covered with rotting food, and a wooden stool, upon which sat a large fur-covered lump—an old cheese, perhaps, or a dead cat.

Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.

Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.

If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz.

You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.

I'm one of those people who tells my wife, "No coaching from the sidelines."