The one thing I'm terrified of trying to write about is sex. I mean my God, my wife might read it or my daughter might read it or my son might read it, so no, I've never really written about eroticism at all.

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

And that's the wonderful thing about family travel: it provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind.

Roy Blount, who is the funniest person I know, journeys deep into the dark heart of humor and brings back a wonderfully insightful, superbly crafted song of the soul that had me laughing and crying too

The whole thing about whether you smoke marijuana or not is so ridiculous. That and whether you protested the Vietnam War. Give me a break. Especially the marijuana thing.

Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.