The central point of this final chapter is that - follow my logic carefully here - unless you die, you will continue to get older. (It's insights like this that separate the professional book author from the person with a real job.)

As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do.

The Soviet Union at this time was being run by the Communists, a group of men fierce in their dedication to wearing hilariously bad suits. Their leader was Josef Stalin (Russian for "Joey Bananas")

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

Sign outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.

How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.