Infiniti ads are part of an exciting new trend called "Advertising Whose Sole Purpose Is to Irritate You."

What was life like in the colonies? Probably the best word to describe it would be "colonial".

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

You kids have fun, and be home by Thanksgiving!" our parents would call to us on Halloween night, as we staggered out the front door, weighed down by hundreds of pounds of concealed vandalism supplies, including enough raw eggs to feed Somalia for decades. By morning, thanks to our efforts, the entire neighborhood would be covered with a layer of congealed shaving cream and toilet paper that, around certain unpopular neighbors' homes, was hundreds of feet thick. This is how the Appalachian Mountains were formed.

I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels.

Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.