Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the "patty" group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets- foods that have had all of their organs safely removed.

My theory is that there is a finite amount of intelligence in a family, and you're supposed to gradually transfer it to your children over a period of many years. This is why your parents started to get so stupid just at the time in your life when you were getting really smart.

I never start a section of the story without knowing how it will end. I also consciously try to shape the story as though it were a movie.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.