Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

He's a boating enthusiast, although that phrase seems too weak to describe the level of his interest, kind of like describing someone as a heroin fancier.

People don't like it when you make fun of a celebrity. When you make fun of a celebrity, you'll hear from really loyal fans of that celebrity.

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making average incomes for doing average jobs- bank vice presidents, insurance salesmen, auditors, secretaries of defense- and you'll realie they all dress the same way, essentially the way the mannequins in the Sears menswear department dress. Now look at the real successes, the people who make a lot more money than you- Elton John, Captain Kangaroo, anybody from Saudi Arabia, Big Bird, and so on. They all dress funny- and they all succeed.

I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.