Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

I'm one of those people who tells my wife, "No coaching from the sidelines."

I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss.

When I say 'serve you better,' I mean 'increase our profits.' We newspapers are very big on profits these days.

My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.

Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can be a very pleasant surprise to the connoisseur of severely overcooked livestock organs served in lukewarm puddles of congealed grease. England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.