There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia.

The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States.

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

maybe somebody finally shot the dog.

The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'

I tell people view the federal government as a source of entertainment. It's a lot easier.

Every year I write a tax advice column and I used to always make fun of that. One year, one of my favorite IRS commissioners, I think his name was Roscoe somebody, wrote that one of the most often-asked questions by taxpayers was, "How can I contribute more?" Well, I tell ya, ol' Roscoe's really been doing situps under parked cars again. I've heard a lot of people ask a lot of questions about taxes, but I never heard anybody say, "How can I, the ordinary person, send more money for no reason?"