There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia.

...Terry Jackson, who is the Miami Herald's automotive writer and TV critic. That's correct: This man gets paid to drive new cars AND watch television. If he ever dies and goes to heaven, it's going to be a big let down.

I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.

If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, you ran for cover.

Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip.

This (French-Kissing) is a really sexy thing to do, according to the French people, although you should bear in mind that they also like to eat snails.

When I write my annual tax column, some ex-IRS agent will complain, "There you go IRS bashing again." They're always saying that they're just doing their job. Someone I know once said, "You could get another job."