There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia.

If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America.

Think, for a moment, of the countless happy childhood hours you spent with this amazing device: Drawing perfect horizontals, drawing perfect verticals, drawing really spastic diagonals, trying to scrape away the silver powder from the window so you could look inside.

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.

Never trust anything you read in a travel article.