As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf; the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a course, you have to make a reservation roughly 137 years in advance, which means that by the time you actually get to the first tee you are deceased. Of course, in golf this is not really a handicap.

Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger.

Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself in a million years.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.

Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

Never have a dog. Let's not beat around the bush here: dogs are morons.