As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]....If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by scotch tape.

Think, for a moment, of the countless happy childhood hours you spent with this amazing device: Drawing perfect horizontals, drawing perfect verticals, drawing really spastic diagonals, trying to scrape away the silver powder from the window so you could look inside.

I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.

Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the kind of dog that, if it takes an interest in your personal regions (which of course it does) you cannot fend it off with a blowtorch.

The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.

What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.