tiny: but there is the word, this word phil wrayson taught me once: weltschmerz. it's the depression you feel when the world as it is does not line up with the world as you think it should be. i live in a big goddamned weltzschermz ocean, you know? and so do you.
David LevithanI have already spent roughly five thousand hours asleep next to you. This has to mean something.
David LevithanMy main piece of advice would be dont worry about being published - just write a really good book, but also dont be afraid to write a bad book. Give yourself permission to fail, and dont be afraid.
David LevithanIt's only a game if there is an absence of meaning. And we've already gone too far for that.
David LevithanIs that all we need? Can the way we say each other's names encompass all our history, all our love, all our fear, all our fights, all our reunions, all of what we know about each other, all of what we don't know?
David Levithaninstead i head to the computer and it's like i turn into a little girl who's just seen her first rainbow. i get all giddy and nervous and hopeful and despairing and i tell myself not to look obsessively at my buddy list, but it might as well be projected onto the insides of my eyelids. at 8:05 his name pops up, and i start to count. i only get to twelve before his IM pops up.
David LevithanI asked you what you wanted and you said you didn't want anything. And I told you I wasn't planning on giving you anything; I was planning on giving you something.
David LevithanPink is female - but why? Are girls any more pink than boys? Are boys any more blue than girls? It's something that has been sold to us, mostly so other things can be sold to us.
David LevithanGone is not forgotten, but our lives cannot be a memorial. This city cannot be a memorial. This city has to be a city. Our lives have to be our lives.
David LevithanWhen is a night over? Is it the start of sunrise or the end of it? Is it when you finally go to sleep or simply realize that you have to? When the club closes or when you everyone leaves? "It's over when you decide it's over," she says. "When you call it a night. The rest is just a matter of where the sun is in the sky.
David LevithanThe most understandable thing in the world should be how minutes lead to hours, how hours lead to days, how days can make a year. And yet, this neat progression can still be surprising.
David LevithanThe unwarranted devotion. Putting up with the fear of being with the wrong person because you can't deal with the fear of being alone. The hope tinged with doubt, and the doubt tinged with hope. Every time I see these feelings in someone else's face, it weighs me down.
David Levithan... I love books about freaks," because I am one. You might be, too. Let's be freaks together?
David LevithanMoments into minutes. Minutes into hours. Hours into days. Days into years. Years into possibility. This will linger.
David LevithanDash is for sure straight!" Boomer announced. "He has a super-pretty ex-girlfriend named Sofia, who I think he still has a thing for, and also, in seventh grade, there was a game of spin the bottle and it was my turn and I spun and it landed at Dash, but he wouldn't let me kiss him.
David LevithanA year. A thousand kisses. And now a thousand one, a thousand two. There are so many other place we could have ended up, but I have to believe none of them would have felt this right. "All I want is you" is not entirely true. I want so much more, and with you I think I can get it.
David LevithanBecause sometimes you just have to dance like a madman in the Self-Help section of your local bookstore.
David Levithan...but the truth is that I don't feel like I can carry anyone but myself right now. The streets are empty. I am empty. Or, no--I am full of pain. It's my life that's empty.
David LevithanIf you zoom close-if you get really close to someone, if you really get close to yourself-then you lose the other person, you lose yourself entirely. You get so close you can't see anything anymore.
David LevithanI want to write my life. I want to be able to write my life. You are a second away from saying it. You have no idea how much I love you.
David LevithanI find my greatest strength in wanting to be strong. I find my greatest bravery in deciding to be brave. I don't know if I've ever realized it before,[...] I think we both realize it now. If there's no feeling of fear, then there's no need for courage.
David LevithanI'm not a very happy person," I told him."But sometimes I can trick myself into thinking I am.
David LevithanDo you know when you cross against traffic? You look down the street and see a car coming, but you know you can get across before it gets to you. So even though thereโs a DONโT WALK sign, you cross anyway. And thereโs always a split second when you turn and see that car coming, and you know that if you donโt continue moving, it will all be over. Thatโs how I feel a lot of the time. I know Iโll make it across. I always make it across. But the car is always there, and I always stop to watch it coming.
David LevithanIndelible, adj. That first night, you took your finger and pointed to the top of my head, then traced a line between my eyes, down my nose, over my lips, my chin, my neck, to the center of my chest. It was so surprising. I knew I would never mimic it. That one gesture would be yours forever.
David LevithanGetting what you want is just as difficult as not getting what you want. Because then you have to figure out what to do with it instead of figuring out what to do without it.
David LevithanIt felt good to be surrounded by books, by all this solid knowledge, by these objects that could be ripped page by page but couldn't be torn if the pages all held together.
David LevithanWe could call you an ambisexual. A duosexual. Aโโ โDo I really have to find a word for it?โ Kyle interrupts. โCanโt it just be what it is?โ โOf course,โ I say, even though in the bigger world Iโm not so sure. The world loves stupid labels. I wish we got to choose our own. We pause for a moment. I wonder if thatโs allโif he just needed to say the truth and have it heard. But then Kyle looks at me with unsure eyes and says, โYou see, I donโt know who Iโm supposed to be.โ โNobody does,โ I assure him.
David LevithanI should talk to him I know I should talk to him. But I do not talk to him. I watch after him from afar and love him.
David LevithanEvery single answer starts with the phrase 'I don't know.' But most of the time she does know, if I give her the time and the space in which to answer.
David LevithanThis is a difference between us: you desire what other people have, while I desire the things I used to have, or think I might have one day.
David LevithanThe boy I loved didn't know I existed. Then again, he was obsessed with Camus, so he didn't know if any of us existed.
David Levithan