Having spent too many years in show business, the one thing I see that succeeds is persistence. It's the person who just ain't gonna go home. I decided early on that I wasn't going to go home. This is what I'll be doing until they put me in jail or in a coffin.

Where in the wide history of the world do we find art created by the excessively wealthy, powerful, or educated?

Invent nothing, deny nothing, speak up, stand up, stay out of school.

There's nothing in the world more silent than the telephone the morning after everybody pans your play. It won't ring from room service; your mother won't be calling you. If the phone has not rung by 8 in the morning, you're dead.

The government, for example, has determined that black people (somehow) have fewer abilities than white people, and, so, must be given certain preferences. Anyone acquainted with both black and white people knows this assessment is not only absurd but monstrous. And yet it is the law.

President Obama seems to understand the Constitution as a 'set of suggestions.'

I'm not the guy to ask about politics. I'm a gag writer.