No matter how predictable, banal and listless the rest of my life might be, you can guarantee that there'll always be something interesting going on with my skin.

David Holdaway was my stage name. I was an actor for about eight years in the '90s. I had to change my name because there was another David Nicholls, and I thought if I changed it to my mother's name, she'd be touched.

Time to tidy up your life. Time to start again.

Salmon. Salmon, salmon, salmon, salmon. I eat so much salmon at these weddings, twice a year I get this urge to swim upstream.

This is where it all begins. Everything starts here, today.

Who do you think you are, Jane Eyre? Grow up. Be sensible. Don't get carried away.

As new dawns go, this one is depressingly like the old dawn.