I have a face that is a cross between two pounds of halibut and an explosion in an old clothes closet.

I enjoy reality as much as the next man. It's just that in my case, fortunately, reality includes a good stiff belt every now and then.

Going to war was the only unselfish thing I have ever done for humanity.

Do something today that reflects who you are, what you are capable of, what you care about. Give yourself plenty of evidence of what you can do, and you will not doubt your abilities to do anything.

Malta is a sod of a place.

I've been lucky enough to win an Oscar, write a best-seller - my other dream would be to have a painting in the Louvre. The only way that's going to happen is if I paint a dirty one on the wall of the gentlemen's lavatory.

I've taken up the Bible again, somewhat in the spirit of W.C. Fields - looking for loopholes.