I'm not a professional comedian. Nobody comes to my comedy shows. That's just a little hobby.

Once you use a toothbrush to clean a pencil sharpener, you should no longer use it to clean your teeth.

I hate self-publishing; it's a real drag and it takes up a lot of space.

The type of pop culture that is honestly very moving and powerful to me is [when artists] do their homework. They make it real.

I didn't dare to dream of making money. But now of course, I've made many thousands of dollars sharpening pencils.

I wanted to get paid to sharpen pencils originally just because I thought it would be fun.

I talked to people in the pencil industry and I talked to people as I was sharpening their pencils about the frustrations they have with pencils, so I really did do my research and I do know more about pencils than most people.