I'd always been really intimidated by prose writing.

I don't want to be one of these people who's like, "Man, I don't know where my ideas come from and I don't know why this works."

I felt really conflicted about making money off stuff that's creatively satisfying.

I never thought I would make a living as a pencil-sharpener. The first goal was: I don't want to lose money. And then the goal was: I want to see if 100 people buy my pencils. I just kept upping the benchmarks.

People think, "Wow, people in America have so much money, they're sending hundreds of pencils to this guy." I don't think those people realize that most people who are buying these pencils are buying them as art objects or conversation pieces.

I'm not a professional comedian. Nobody comes to my comedy shows. That's just a little hobby.

I hate self-publishing; it's a real drag and it takes up a lot of space.