Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos are born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measure sixty by eighty inches, and America is the greatest country on earth. Having grown up with this in our ears, it's startling to realize that other countries have nationalistic slogans of their own, none of which are 'We're number two!

It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.

The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.

If I were president, I would turn the tables and allow the fetus to abort its mother.

I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.

I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.

If finding an apartment is like falling in love, buying one is like proposing on your first date and agreeing not to see each other until the wedding.