There's no such thing as a folk writer. There's no such thing as somebody who's never read a book before suddenly sitting down one day and writing one. You have to learn how to captivate a reader. Right? And I don't mean you have to go to school for it. But if you're - if you pay attention, you can learn it by reading books. And so I feel like I learned a lot by reading books.

The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.

I've been keeping diaries for 27 years.

There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.

It's hard to love a place that's outlawed smoking but finds it perfectly acceptable to serve raw fish in a bath of chocolate.

I can't promise I'll never kill anyone again," he once said, strapping a refrigerator to his back. "It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters

I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to do that.