All of a sudden, when you're exposed to a large audience, they think you just started writing that day, but I started years before. I look back at things I wrote then and I'm so embarrassed - the writing seems so blocky and choppy to me and I wouldn't have wanted success any sooner because the writing was even worse.
David SedarisSometimes you read something and it's just -- it doesn't invite a reader....Sometimes you read something and it's not saying, 'oh come in, come in have a seat. I'm going to tell you what happened.' Perhaps my writing comes off as conversational...and that takes effort.
David SedarisMaybe one day, I would write a story about arguing in public, and those would come in handy in some way.
David SedarisWhen forced to leave my house for an extended period of time, I take my typewriter with me, and together we endure the wretchedness of passing through the X-ray scanner. The laptops roll merrily down the belt, while Iโm instructed to stand aside and open my bag. To me it seems like a normal enough thing to be carrying, but the typewriterโs declining popularity arouses suspicion and I wind up eliciting the sort of reaction one might expect when traveling with a cannon. Itโs a typewriter,โ I say. โYou use it to write angry letters to airport security.
David SedarisListen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will be coming tonight along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy in your shoes, they might stuff you into a sack and take you to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don't know for sure, but we want you to be prepared." This was the reward for living in the Netherlands. As a child you get to hear this story, and as an adult you get to turn around and repeat it.
David Sedaris