At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.
David SedarisThe trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge.
David SedarisI've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives.
David SedarisUsually, if I think something is really funny, it doesn't get any reaction whatsoever.
David Sedaris