Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.

but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.

The difference between the first time I read something and the tenth time I read something is generally pretty profound. Even if the script is the same, just the way that I read it is different.

His embarassment would have pleased me, but once he recovered, there would be that awkward period that sometimes culminates in a handshake. I didn't want to touch these people's hands or see things from their point of view, I just wanted to continue hating them. So I kept my mouth shut and stared off into space.

I always say to young people, "Get the hell out of the United States." Especially if you're young, like if you're 21 or something. Let's say you don't speak any Italian. You're 21. Everyone's going to want to sleep with you and be nice to you. And the best way to learn a language is to sleep with someone from that country.

I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to do that.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.