When asked "What do we need to learn this for?" any high-school teacher can confidently answer that, regardless of the subject, the knowledge will come in handy once the student hits middle age and starts working crossword puzzles in order to stave off the terrible loneliness.

The interesting thing about gay people is that you can't really put on a wedding without them. They're the ones who make your dress, and do the flowers and the catering. They've toiled in the wedding industry all these years but were never allowed to do it themselves.

He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.

Nobody pours stuffing like you do, my friend.

I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to do that.

Whenever I write about my family, I start by getting my parent`s approval. I like to think I write about them with obvious affection. When it comes to the people I'm related to, I consider myself to be very lucky.

I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books.