I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed.

Right, I breast feed baby camels in my backyard just for the freaking fun of it. Just tell me where you live, Pinocchio, and save the baloney for lunch.

but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.

They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy.

Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.

College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for it was there that I discovered drugs, drinking, and smoking.

I won't put in a load of laundry, because the machine is too loud and would drown out other, more significant noises - namely, the shuffling footsteps of the living dead.