The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole.
David SedarisIn my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
David SedarisI meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.
David SedarisThe thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.
David Sedaris