I started writing when I was twenty. My first book came out when I was thirty-five. But I never expected that it would happen quickly.

Nobody pours stuffing like you do, my friend.

To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me. 'Turn a bit to the left, Jean-Claude. I long to capture the playful quality of your buttocks.

I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.

I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.

But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.