I've never written about sex in my diary. Like if you read my diary, you wouldn't think I'm a virgin, but you would have no idea what it is that I've actually ever done.

Einstein wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That said, is it crazier to repeatedly throw yourself against a window, or to repeatedly open that window, believing the creatures that are throwing themselves against it might come into your house, take a look around, and leave with no hard feelings?

Perhaps the little Negro girl was holding a concealed razor blade. Maybe she was one of the troublemakers out for a fresh white scalp.

People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.

Nobody pours stuffing like you do, my friend.

I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.

I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.