Every actor thinks he can do comedy, and it's not true.

If I'm president, there are going to be government vans that drive around and pick up people who shouldn't be wearing certain clothing. Talk about lack of civil rights - I'm sorry, I'm pulling you right off the street, and we're giving you clothes that you're going to be O.K. in.

The only difference between kids and jungle animals is pants. Kids wear them. Jungle animals don't.

My brother and I tortured my mother growing up.

Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold."

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

I think all priests should be married.