You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.
Denis LearyMost people think, "Life sucks, and then you die." I disagree. I think life sucks. Then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy. You lose all your hair, you feel bad about yourself. Then all of the sudden the cancer goes into remission, and then all of the sudden you have a stroke. You can't move your right side. And then, maybe, you die.
Denis LearyMy father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York.
Denis LearyPeter Falk and Denis Leary today walked into a Starbucks and shot 27 people, without any announcement whatsoever.
Denis Leary