For five years I've felt like the best prostitute in a high-class whorehouse. But all the other girls get paid more than I do.

Sometimes I'm not even satisfied when I got 6 points and 22 rebounds, because I'm always looking to do more.

I went from five foot eleven to six foot eight, and the more ball I played, the more I caught on to the game.

Some people want to have controversy between the races.

As long as I play ball, I can get any woman I want.

Why it's been left to me to smooth things over, I don't know. Dennis Rodman, of all people. Keeping us safe is really not my job; it's the black guy's [Obama's] job. But I'll tell you this: If I don't finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something's seriously wrong.

The only time I'd played organized basketball was my sophomore year in high school, when I barely made the junior varsity team.