I was sort of miserable and depressed. Music was my savior, but it was also the thing that I felt at times was breaking my heart.

It's really hard to be an artist and put out records and put your heart out there. It's such a gamble, and you're often spending so much time fighting for something that you really believe in and feeling like it's not really getting anywhere. It definitely can try your patience.

I wrestled a lot with self-doubt. I've always had such a strong desire for what I wanted for my career, and as I go through it, I'm watching it change and morph into something a little bit different. So there was a lot of confusion as to whether I really wanted to do it, whether I wanted to go for it, because I put so much energy and effort into it, and it's hard.

I never had that desire to start or join a rock band. Nor did I ever have a desire to see my idols in concert. I would have loved to see The Cure. I didn't understand the whole concept of: you love music, you buy the album, and then you go see them in concert. It felt like something that was so untouchable that I didn't even attempt to try and bring it to any place other than my headphones.

I was like, "Oh yeah, that's kind of like me. I'm always living in the past." When I was really young, I thought I was from the 18th century and I was trapped in this life, and I was so miserable and figuring how I could get back. Maybe I was just picking up on ideas of past lives, but I really did believe that I was from another era.

I was sort of miserable and depressed. Music was my savior, but it was also the thing that I felt at times was breaking my heart.

I just think the fact that I was told not to be curious about the dark side, and it was such a religious-heavy upbringing made me interested in goth culture.