Hello God, if we are still on speaking terms, can you help me?

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I am amazed at the response of my being on the show. Everywhere I go, every young person points at me and says "Hi, Aunt Dolly." Or "Are you Aunt Dolly?" I love doing the show and I love Miley and Billy Ray [Cyrus]. I am proud to be her honorary Godmother.

I think every entertainer's had nights when things go wrong. I mean you can't remember everything all the time, and especially if you're having hard times personally, things going on that you - you know, and then people make it worse. And that makes you feel worse.

A lot of people think I'm a comedian.

I've never had that much trouble with the paparazzi, but I don't run the same circles that a lot of these people that do get hounded by the paparazzi.

Being born was the worse and the first mistake I ever made. The doctor didn't spank me, he just slapped me in the face.