It takes all sorts of people to make the underworld.

Many a man spanks his children for things his own father should have spanked out of him.

The most pleasant and useful persons are those who leave some of the problems of the universe for God to worry about.

The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.

Between the years of ninety-two and a hundred and two, however, we shall be the ribald, useless, drunken, outcast person we have always wished to be. We shall have a long white beard and long white hair; we shall not walk at all, but recline in a wheel chair and bellow for alcoholic beverages; in the winter we shall sit before the fire with our feet in a bucket of hot water, a decanter of corn whiskey near at hand, and write ribald songs against organized society... We look forward to a disreputable, vigorous, unhonoured, and disorderly old age.

Poetry is what Milton saw when he went blind.

If the world were not so full of people, and most of them did not have to work so hard, there would be more time for them to get out and lie on the grass, and there would be more grass for them to lie on.