In order to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that child's parent or grandparent.

Between the years of ninety-two and a hundred and two, however, we shall be the ribald, useless, drunken, outcast person we have always wished to be. We shall have a long white beard and long white hair; we shall not walk at all, but recline in a wheel chair and bellow for alcoholic beverages; in the winter we shall sit before the fire with our feet in a bucket of hot water, a decanter of corn whiskey near at hand, and write ribald songs against organized society... We look forward to a disreputable, vigorous, unhonoured, and disorderly old age.

No form of government matters nearly as much as the spirit and intelligence brought to the administration of any form of government.

Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control.

Life's too damn funny for me to explain.

Poetry is what Milton saw when he went blind.

A great many people who spend their time mourning over the brevity of life could make it seem longer if they did a little more work.