One of the most important things to remember about infant care is: don't change diapers in midstream.

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

It takes all sorts of people to make the underworld.

Most of the people living in New York have come here from the far to try to make enough money to go back to the farm

There is bound to be a certain amount of trouble running any country. If you are president, the trouble happens to you. But if you are a tyrant you can arrange things so that most of the trouble happens to other people.

Between the years of ninety-two and a hundred and two, however, we shall be the ribald, useless, drunken, outcast person we have always wished to be. We shall have a long white beard and long white hair; we shall not walk at all, but recline in a wheel chair and bellow for alcoholic beverages; in the winter we shall sit before the fire with our feet in a bucket of hot water, a decanter of corn whiskey near at hand, and write ribald songs against organized society... We look forward to a disreputable, vigorous, unhonoured, and disorderly old age.