You know who was on time tonight, which surprised me? Ghostface. Ghostface was early and making calls - what rapper does that?

I come around when you least expect me! I'm sitting at the bar when your glass is empty!

To all my fans who's saying Donald Glover about to blow, just give me six months so you can say I told you so.

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why god gave them parts that jiggle.

You used to have to beg and be the busboy to do standup. I got on Community because people saw my videos on YouTube, which were free.

Most people think I'm Danny Glover's son when they meet me. So when they ask, I say 'No, I'm Crispin Glover's son.' Then we stare at each other for a long time.

Twitter does have an effect on everything - things you put out there, they are out there for good.