[Completely bored by a country weekend, wiring to a friend:] For heaven's sake, rush me a loaf of bread, enclosing saw and file.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Scratch a king and find a fool!

Because your eyes are slant and slow, Because your hair is sweet to touch, My heart is high again; but oh, I doubt if this will get me much.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea, And love is a thing that can never go wrong, and I am Marie of Romania.

Oh, both my shoes are shiny new, And pristine is my hat My dress is 1922… My life is all like that.

If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.