All I have to be thankful for in this world is that I was sitting down when my garter busted.

Women and elephants never forget.

Once I was coming down a street in Beverly Hills and I saw a Cadillac about a block long, and out of the side window was a wonderfully slinky mink, and an arm, and at the end of the arm a hand in a white suede glove wrinkled around the wrist, and in the hand was a bagel with a bite out of it.

It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.

[Suggesting an epitaph for herself:] This is on me.

Tonstant Weader fwowed up.

Oh, both my shoes are shiny new, And pristine is my hat My dress is 1922… My life is all like that.