The only “ism” Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Accursed from their birth they be Who seek to find monogamy, Pursuing it from bed to bed— I think they would be better dead.

Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.

Ah, clear they see and true they say That one shall weep, and one shall stray

I might repeat to myself . . . a list of quotations from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things.

I had been fed, in my youth, a lot of old wives' tales about the way men would instantly forsake a beautiful woman to flock around a brilliant one. It is but fair to say that, after getting out in the world, I had never seen this happen." [From a column dated November 17, 1928]

[On being told party guests were ducking for apples:] There, but for a typographical error, is the story of my life.