...as for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser, it will erase ink.

Ah, clear they see and true they say That one shall weep, and one shall stray

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Some men break your heart in two, Some men fawn and flatter, Some men never look at you; And that cleans up the matter.

Work is the province of cattle.

Benchley and I had an office in the old Life magazine that was so tiny, if it were an inch smaller it would have been adultery.