...as for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser, it will erase ink.

A list of authors who have made themselves most beloved and therefore, most comfortable financially, shows that it is our national joy to mistake for the first-rate, the fecund rate.

I regret to say that during the first act of this, I fell so soundly asleep that the gentleman who brought me piled up a barricade of overcoat, hat, stick, and gloves between us to establish a separation in the eyes of the world, and went into an impersonation of A Young Man Who Has Come to the Theater Unaccompanied.

I like to think of my shining tombstone. It gives me, as you might say, something to live for.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

I never see that prettiest thing- A cherry bough gone white with Spring- But what I think, "How gay 'twould be To hang me from a flowering tree.

I wish, I wish I were a poisonous bacterium.