Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

Sometimes I think I'll give up trying, and just go completely Russian and sit on a stove and moan all day.

I wanted to be cute. That's the terrible thing. I should have had more sense.

Upton Sinclair is his own King Charles' head. He cannot keep himself out of his writings, try though he may; or, by this time, try though he doesn't.

[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that's much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

This must be a gift book. That is to say a book, which you wouldn't take on any other terms.