I fell into writing, I suppose, being one of those awful children who wrote verses. I went to a convent in New York-the Blessed Sacrament... I was fired from there, finally, for a lot of things, among them my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion.

If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

Trapped like a trap in a trap

Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.

She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw — I don't say she will, but she can.

[On William Lyon Phelps's Happiness:] It is second only to a rubber duck as the ideal bathtub companion. It may be held in the hand without causing muscular fatigue ... and it may be read through before the water has cooled. And if it slips down the drain pipe, all right, it slips down the drain pipe.