Summer makes me drowsy. Autumn makes me sing. Winter's pretty lousy, but I hate Spring.

[From a window in the Writer's Building at MGM, which overlooked a cemetery:] Hello down there. It might interest you to know that up here we are just as dead as you are.

[To woman bragging about having kept her husband for seven years:] Don't worry, if you keep him long enough, he'll come back in style.

Dear Mary: We all knew you had it in you.

Now that you've got me right down to it, the only thing I didn't like about The Barrets of Wimplole Street was the play.

Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.

I can’t write five words but that I change seven.