Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

[To woman bragging about having kept her husband for seven years:] Don't worry, if you keep him long enough, he'll come back in style.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.

(Scottish Terriers) have all the compactness of a small dog and all the valor of a big one. And they are so exceedingly sturdy that it is proverbial that the only thing fatal to them is being run over by an automobile - in which case the car itself knows it has been in a fight.

Be you wise and never sad, You will get your lovely lad. Never serious be, nor true, And your wish will come to you-- And if that makes you happy, kid, You'll be the first it ever did.

I don't mind anything that's written about me, as long as it's not true.