Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can forget it today?

A talking dog is not the answer. That's not a way to convince people not to smoke pot. If animals started talking to me, I would up my pot consumption just to make that happen.

We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's disgusting. And I saw it once in Indonesia, and I've never been able to get it out of my head.

I'm not physically harming any of these people by being high, and it's just interesting to see that I feel like my values and morals don't change at all when I'm high, but that's a constant. The thing that changes when I'm high is I am happier, and I'm not good with numbers.

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

That's the interesting part of being a judge to me - I don't even care about these people's fights that they're having with each other, but I have to invest in it enough to figure out. I have to make a decision.

I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it.